Ugly guys and nice girls. What's going on?

  " A table for two, please."

You see this all the time. I don't understand it completely. I do understand it partly. She's nice looking. He's got a lot of money.

But, there must be guys with lots of money who aren't fat and repulsive. And there must be girls who would rather pay for their own dinner in exchange for going out with a man who doesn't drive a Porsche Mid-Life-Crisis GTX, and looks vaguely like what is considered attractive, rather than a large, over-bearing, self-confident slug in a suit.

I don't understand it. I suppose I am just going to be a victim of natural selection.

I don't mind. I never really had much of an urge to breed, anyway.

A bit of action would be nice once in a while, though.

It's been a while.

If only you had to go through this whole song and dance routine every time you wanted a cigarette, I would have quit years ago.

I think we have a fight on our hands!

Girls vs Cigarettes!

Well, let's see the opponents as they step into the the ring here.

The girl looks quite appealing, there.

She certainly does, but the cigarettes have the readily available advantage though.

That's certainly true. You don't have to risk making a total dick of yourself when you try to connect with a packet of cigarettes.

No, you don't. You rarely get laughed at and made to feel like an idiot when you saunter up to the tobacconist and casually say, "Can you give me a packet of cigarettes?"

It certainly is never an experience that I have experienced, in my experience, that when trying to buy a packet of cigarettes, that the tobacconist says, "Get lost, you loser!"

Whereas girls often do that.

They do. In my experienced opinion, that is an experience I have experienced in a number of experiences.

Quite.

So here they come. She walks out into the middle of the ring.

"Have you got a light?"

"Yeah. Sure.

So, do you come here often?"

Oh, disaster! What was he thinking there?

Totally predictable. You're never going to penetrate a well-honed defense with those sort of schoolboy tactics.

And she's walked off. She's walked off!

"Your hair looks nice!"

It's too little too late. You have to admire his tenacity, but really, it's no contest, and he's gone for the easy option. He's left with no choice but to go off to the shop to buy some cigarettes and get a taxi.

What a shame.