Offside

Okay. I said this would need a seperate post all of its own, so here it is.
I'm sorry to bang on about football so much, it's not like I'm even that into it. I suppose when men can't think of anything to talk about, it is the default setting they revert to.
I knew a guy when I was working at the Royal Mail who could talk about football non-stop for an entire shift. On the nights when I was working with him, by the end of it, I couldn't work out what I wanted to do more. Kill him, or just kill myself.
But anyway. The offside rule.
Now it seems to me that they have to go in one of two directions regarding this rule, because the way it is administered at the moment is unsatisfactory.
You can be offside as long as you aren't interfering with children.
No, that's not it. You can be offside as long as you aren't interfering with play.
Well, that seems like a pretty subjective thing. Like, hmm? is it art? Or is it just some idiot throwing a load of paint about the place?
Football needs rules, in a way that art doesn't. Art is all about people breaking boundaries and exploring new territory.
Football is a game.
So here are my proposals for the offside rule.

1. Scrap it altogether.
2. Arm linesmen with pistols and they can shoot dead anyone they deem to be offside.